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  • vlc-record-2014-03-26-16h57m06s-clasicmusic-Johannes Brahms - Variations on a Theme of Haydn for orc1:32

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A Lexophile of course!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I needed (kneaded) dough.
• Velcro - what a rip off!
• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.




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Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark.

ONE: Don't miss the boat.
TWO: Remember that we are all in the same boat!
THREE: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
FOUR: Stay fit. When you're 70 or 80 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
FIVE: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done. 
SIX: Build your future on high.
SEVEN: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
EIGHT: Speed isn't always an advantage.
The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
NINE: When you're stressed, float awhile.  
TEN: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
ELEVEN: No matter the storm, there's always a rainbow waiting.Please pass this on to people you want to be blessed.  

Give it. . . don't just get it! 
Most people walk in and out of your life,
but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart.

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